Below are the 14 most recent journal entries recorded in iamdank's LiveJournal:

Sunday, October 30th, 2005
8:19 pm	I feel like Im Ive been digging a hole. And all I want to do is to hide in it. And everytime I take a break from digging. Someone shoves more dirt into the hole. And I just cant get it deep enough to hide in. And I feel like anti-depressants should be sold over the counter. Because I honestly believe that everyone needs them. No one should ever feel utter saddness. Whether its over something small that you'll forget in two weeks, or something big that will never leave you. No one deserves that. The scummiest of rapists, or deadliest of murderers. They're all people. And they all have hearts that bleed and breaks. Even if its something mediocre and not important, its those two weeks that might be the hardest. Even if you forget to count them in the list of significant moments in your life, they still hurt. And at that time, you feel like you can't go on. Whether or not you know whats wrong with you, or something's just really getting to you for some reason or another- no one should feel sad for that moment. Because that moment is all that we have at that moment. We dont want to be happy in three days or two weeks, we don't care. We just want to be happier in that moment. Because in that moment, the hardest breaths are taken. I'm sick of having to remind myself to breathe. Even when Im inhaling, I get nothing out of it. Its just one more thing to think about. Inhale. Exhale. Dont think about it. Inhale. Deep breaths. Exhale. Its not worth it. Id rather be underwater breathing. Because then I'd be accomplishing something. Whether its something productive, everyone's entitled to their own opinion. I'm sick of lying to myself saying that shit gets better. It doesnt get better, Ive known this for a long time. Nothing increases in goodness. Its like saying a rapist can be forgiven for his sins. He can't. Whether or not he rapes in the future has nothing to do with the fact that he commited the crime in the past. Nothing gets better, something else makes you feel worse, and gives you something else to worry or think about. I cant explain what its like when something happens in your life that changes the way you see everyone and everything. The littlest things about people begin to annoy you and you realize that thats what makes you love them the most. But they still annoy you. And you cant change that. Its the same about the little things in life that makes us all depressed. You cant stand those things... but theyre the things that make you feel the most safe. And we just continue to go to back to our constants, like first grade friends. And the constants are what probably make us feel the worst. And we love it, all the same. Because its a constant. Its something. Current Mood: emo Current Music: Stab My Back (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 27th, 2005
7:34 pm	Shibby41019: i love you mad big caitlin victoria phelps Shibby41019: and im glad my first ungrounding day will be with you. ratss forcandyy: :-)i love you bigger tori rae kelley:-) Shibby41019: i dont believe it. ratss forcandyy: HM ratss forcandyy: you should ratss forcandyy: because i aint lying Shibby41019: mhmmm riiight Shibby41019: i love you bigger than the word supercalafragalisticexpealidocious Shibby41019: and whatever it means. ratss forcandyy: well, i love you bigger than infinity. ratss forcandyy: BEAT THAT. ratss forcandyy: mwahaha Shibby41019: tricky tricky.. ratss forcandyy: yeh Shibby41019: i love you bigger than beer pong. ratss forcandyy: ohh.. hmmh! ratss forcandyy: i love you ratss forcandyy: bigger ratss forcandyy: then you love and i like Shibby41019: i love you bigger than devil springs and its 160 proof ratss forcandyy: i love you bigger then playing with the rubber balls in walmart Shibby41019: i love you bigger than riding the mechanical wheelchairs at tops ratss forcandyy: i love you bigger than CHICKEN FUCKING FRENCH Shibby41019: i love you better than listening to dashboard confessional in the back of mike's jeep drinking beer with my favoriest people in the entire world. ratss forcandyy: i love you more thansmoking menths out the windoe. Shibby41019: i love you more than being drunk and high and going to wendys. ratss forcandyy: i love you more then eating your fries Shibby41019: i love you more than falling asleep in the treehouse at 2 with our boys ratss forcandyy: i love you more then burning ourselves with ciggs when we're mad at you know whoss Shibby41019: i love you more than making out in the treehouse, backyard, basement, mer's, the bathroom and my family room. ratss forcandyy: i love you more than spilling jujubees Shibby41019: i love you more than saying what a bad game. ratss forcandyy: i love you more than watching joy ride over a month long pieriod Shibby41019: i love you more than listening to the same two panic at the disco songs for four hours ratss forcandyy: i love you more then when tim said "what is that crazy bitch doing" Shibby41019: i love you more than texting during class ratss forcandyy: i love you more than saying were going to burn a cd, and never doing it about five times Shibby41019: i love you more than spilling chocolate milk on you at about 4 oclock in the morning when im really drunk ratss forcandyy: i love you mroe than wearing all your clothes home and keeping them Shibby41019: i love you more than raping you via tickle ratss forcandyy: i love you more then an emo bitch Shibby41019: i love you more than going out to dinner and touching your thigh to make my mom uncomfortable ratss forcandyy: i love you more than having taco hump me Shibby41019: i love you more than making fun of our closest peeps ratss forcandyy: i love you mroe then watching your mom fall asleep when she is drunk and her mouth is purple Shibby41019: i love you more than having my dad fart in front of us cuz he's drunk, and we're drunk too. ratss forcandyy: i love you more than making fun of how julia roberts laughed in pretty woman Shibby41019: i love you more than hearing my mom say 'your friend caitlin' ratss forcandyy: i love you more than making a third wheel Shibby41019: i love you more than having you fall asleep on my lap when watching a movie i dont even like while giving you bcak tickles ratss forcandyy: i love you more than having your dad order my salad dressing for me Shibby41019: i love you more than having my mom tell us she loves us no matter what cuz she thinks were lesbians ratss forcandyy: i love you more than poping it Shibby41019: i love you more than talking about pooping ratss forcandyy: i love you more than your dad loves that spicy snack mix Shibby41019: i love you more than the whip ratss forcandyy: i love you more than a mini burned on the bottom circular brownie that we only ate the middle/top if. Shibby41019: i love you more than almost watching blow every wednesday ratss forcandyy: i love you more than puking up carrots. Shibby41019: i love you more than having your mom tell you you were a bush in a past life (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 19th, 2005
9:17 pm	How does it feel to know youre everything I need? I havent done an entry in a while, and there's a lot I havent written about. And I lot I dont wanna think about. Ive gotta get over it, gotta move on. Gotta keep going, right? Ungrounded November 1st. Make plans with me now, cuz Ill never be arounddd, gotta get out of this house. Im gunna start from today, cuz I think there's a chance that today was when I started actually living. At school, safe to say around the passing period between 5th and 6th, something ticked. And I got so happy. And giggly. And laughed for probably 45minutes straight. It was a really good day. Spanish!? Wow... Now I just feel like a douche bag, actually, cuz I was excited at school. And then, this girl that Im really really in love with came over after school. And we honestly, sat in my kitchen, moved to my room, and watched TV. We pretended to be the characters in a 1950s? TV show, and layed down and shifted as much as possible when my parents walked by my door, just to make it more sketchy. And, I guess, on the way downstairs to go out to dinner with my parents, Caitlin got happy. So dinner, was one HUGE god damn giggle festival. I dunno, today was just a good day. And hopefully I'll have more. I love all my friends. Caitlin, you're my number one. Current Mood: peppy Current Music: So Much by the Spill Canvas (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 11th, 2005
3:04 pm	Its Just My Luck To End Up Getting Stuck To Everything You Are. Thursday night Michael and Derek came over and we carved a pumpkin and its very very nice, but rotting now. Fridayyyy, I hung out with Derek and Michael and Caitlin and we watched movies and hung out like mofos. And then at 11, they 'left' and then came back Eleff and we played a game called: Erin and Tori Love Me. Andddd then Saturday me and Mike babysat and Derek came over and we drove around and went to P-Hots and did all these p-rock things. Then Sunday was Mer Mer's birhtday and we all slept overrrr Yesterday Michael me and derek and Caitlin hung out And then I got bitched at. And I love everyone. Thats all I got. Current Mood: sad Current Music: self conclusion (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 5th, 2005
5:31 pm	I Will Wait For You Forever, So Just Go Go Go. Okay. So, I know Ive been less than fun lately. If not sketchy, as its been told to me today by one of my favorite people. And thats not something you wanna hear from someone that means as much to you as this girl does to me. So, here's my explanation. I dont love either (or any of you) any less. I just sketch out from time to time. Im sorry. I really just cant help it. And he knows it, that whenever something happens that I dont necessarily adjust to right away, I pick the worst of it. And in this situation, I just dont wanna be left behind. I love you both as much as I could love anything. My favorite people in the entire world. Im not saying anything against it. I just have to get myself to understand that its not a jab at me. I know it, I promise that I know it. I just have to believe it more. I love you both. Eleff, my favorite biddy and text messaging slash bp partner. i love you. and at this point, i dunno what id do without you. being your best friend ISHHHHH. is probably the best thing i have going right now. and youre always there in the clinch. so, thank you. i love you probably more than you know. Mer Mer. I love you. Its just as simple as that. Not to leave anybody out, but I love everyone. Andddd, Im sorry Im being a pooper. Hopefully my mood will increase as my ability to leave the house does. Happy Birthday on Sunday Mer Mer. So no one feels bad, Devon, Erica, Jamie, Niner, Michael, Tatsys, Brent, J, Matthew, Timmy,ALF and everybody else that Im forgetting right now (Im sorry). I love you. So, there's that. Current Mood: emo Current Music: Everything I Once Had (4 Comments |Comment on this)
2:56 pm	Im grounded and sober. What a horrible livejournal entry day. Im also quite depressed. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 27th, 2005
7:47 pm	Know That I Trust You, To That Which You Must Do Im trying to do entries as consistant as possible, cuz I hate people that dont. I dont wanna hate myself today. so. Today. I went to Mer's. And people came over. And then I went home with Derek and Michael and we went in the hottub and ate pizza. Anddddddddddddddddd Im having a good day. <33333333333 Current Mood: happy Current Music: Jamie- Dashboard Confessional (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 25th, 2005
7:18 pm	Laying In a Bathtub full of Freezing Water Sooooo, This weekend was probably my most favorite one ever. Friday. Hung out with most most most, of my favorites. Then met up with Erin and Katie with Michael and Derek. And then Michael me and Derek went to Hooters, again. Then I passed out at Derek's house. And went home and passed out again. Saturday. <333333333333 I worked all day which was shitty. But the love of my life Caitlin Fucking Phelps came in to Wegmans and I got very very excited. I also got work with my other favorite girl, Erin freaking Leffler, who looks at me and laughs at the people in her line. Then I went to Mer's house with my favs. And we played my new favoriteeeeeee game ever ever ever. Which Me and Erin fucking dominated in. El and Tk champs for lyfe. Then everyone kind of dispersed, and then we continued this game, and fell asleep in my treehouse with a small number. Then me and Caitlin chatted until she had to call in sick, which didnt work out. Sundayyy. Then Caitlin went to work. And I kept sleeping. And then I went to work. And I have a cold. BUT. Last night was probably fucking fabulous. Now Im just sickly, but still so happy that last night happened. CP, EL, DH, MS, ML, DT, Dave?, AB. And our best friend from Wegmans that we'll see in two years. <3 Much love to my bitchez and hoes. Current Mood: Peppy Current Music: Bright Eyes (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 18th, 2005
8:47 pm	Im Guilty But Not Sure How It Goes Alright. So I dont remember when the last entry was, So, Im just gunna start with the beginning of my weekend. Friday, I went to Mer's, of course. We all chilled for a little while out back, because it was raining. Which is muy tricky. Then Me Mike and Derek picked up Caitlin. And we went back to Mer's. Where, Mer, Nina, Dev, Mike, Derek, Moira, Jessi, Caitlin, Dan Jamie and I think thats it, were. We had a good time. The best of the kinds that some people remember and some people dont. Lets just say that it was probably Top 5 of my life. THEN, yesterday, Me, Derek Dan and Mer went in the hottub. Then, we went back to Mer's. Then, mad fucking people came over. Then, the Po Po came. Then today I worked. Went to Mer's. Went in the hottub. Went to Hooters. Went to Mer's. Came home. And did an entry cuz Mer told me to. Current Mood: emo Current Music: Jimmy Eat World- For Me This Is Heaven (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, September 10th, 2005
10:29 pm	We'll Order In And Watch TV I had a kind of emo weekend, Im not gunna lie. Not even weekend, just night, I guess. Last night I hung out with MOST of my favorites, not to offend anyone at all. I hung out with Mer. Then JP. Then JP and Caitlin. Whom I love. Then took a taxi back to Fairport. Then I came back to Mer's. And hung out with Derek and JP and Erin and Katie. Then I died a little bit. And then worked. Which is horrible when you're half dead. And then went to Mer's. Now I return. And then Im going back. What a bad entry. I apologize. Love to my bitchez and hoez Current Mood: emo Current Music: MxPx- Quit Your Life (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 8th, 2005
9:34 pm	Perfect Eyes Will Have Perfect Aim Freaking A. Update for Devon. School sucks undankly. Current Mood: jsdhfjdhfjfsd Current Music: Allison- Elvis Costello (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 6th, 2005
7:53 pm	Does He Kiss Your Eyelids In The Morning? So, school starts tomorrow? How is that good for anyone? I really would like to know. Well, lets see here. Last night was the last real night of summer. And, you know, it wasnt that good. Not that I dont love my bitches and hoes. But, I wouldve liked to have something more exciting happen. Like the Po Po again. I mean, I love my girliez. <3 And I love my boyz. But, I wanted to be like, BiNg BaNg BoOm, PaRTy. Today, Nina and I went to the school. Then Mer's. And me and Erica hauled asses on our projects. Hellz yeah, nucka. We did. And now, I am still working on it. And I am not going to bed tonight. And I love bright eyes. And I am confused. And today is a good day for a party. Current Mood: I am contento Current Music: The Calendar Hung Itself- Bright Eyes (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 4th, 2005
4:56 pm	Can We Forget About The Things I Said When I Was Drunk Okkkkay Kids. Past two nights have been pretty d a n k. SoOoOoO, After Nina left, as per my previous entry states. I made a call. And I had a good night. With some biddies. And some party goods. It was a good time. Then, Last night. NINA! Yes, NINA slept over. And we were so cool. I also, was being... Tori... while the Po Po came to Mer Mer's... I did not notice. And kept being... Tori... Tonight, hopefully, is just as dank. Current Mood: amused Current Music: Lit (Comment on this)
Friday, September 2nd, 2005
7:10 pm	This Is The First Day of My Life. So, I decided to be hip, and hard ex core, and p-rawk. And make a livejournal. Not the best way to be punk rock, but I mean, it is pretty xcore. So, summertime. Is over. Its September. Its donezo. Bitches. I am waiting for Nina to come over as I write this. I hope to one day have the patience to sit down and write out my summer's going-ons. But I fear that I have forgotten all of them. Not all of all of them, but, most of some of them. Which is the greatest gift. To be able to share times and forget them. So, Nina is here. So, I will make an entry later, and hopefully explain the last three months of my life. And all the people that have come and gone throughout them, And all the people that will be here in the coming months. I love my bitches and hoes. Current Mood: NINA!? Current Music: Santaria- Sublime (5 Comments |Comment on this)